A few weeks ago, while 18 weeks pregnant with me and my husband’s first baby, I was laid off from my company, where I had worked for two years. To make matters worse, my husband had been laid off a few months before me (without severance or health insurance) and wasn’t yet close to finding a new job. I was STRESSED for me, my family, our future baby. We didn’t have health insurance and my 20 week anatomy scan was coming up in a week. I was losing a very generous maternity leave policy benefit. I was a high performer with high standards for myself. How could this be happening? 

Truly, I wish this never happened to anyone. I wish we lived in a country where this type of thing was protected legally. I wish there were a playbook for if/when this happens to women. But the truth is, none of those things exist. Ever since this happened to me, I’ve searched Reddit communities, done several Google searches, spoken to strangers- literally, anyone willing to listen or offer advice - for answers. I was desperate. I was distraught. 

But, I will say - thankfully, I am less distraught today. I’ve settled into a bit of a routine. I’ve closed out my severance package. I’ve started interviewing. I’ve learned so many things over the past few weeks. Frankly, I didn’t see enough resources out there to turn to with the types of solace and answers I was looking for. So, here I am, spilling my guts in the hopes that it helps someone else who might be going through a similar situation. 

First and foremost - Give yourself a pity party. This sucks. The timing sucks. Everything sucks. Cry. Scream. Feel all the feels. If you’re pregnant, you can’t have a cocktail to take the edge off. You can’t take a gummy to take the edge off. But you can take a Unisom and try to get some sleep. I highly recommend that. 

Second - Reach out to your HR business partner at your former employer. Do not sign the first offer you get. Ask for a phone call. Explain your situation. Tug at their heartstrings. The best you can do is to get that person to advocate for a better package on your behalf given your unique circumstances. Do not do this via email, do it over a call. 

Third - Take a beat and treat yourself. Get a pedicure. Go to yoga. Binge your favorite show for hours. Get a massage. Have a long lunch outside in the sun. Order a mocktail. Do this for a day, a weekend, a week, two weeks, however long you need. You’ll know you're ready to stop indulging when boredom kicks in. 

Fourth - Get an idea of what you want to be doing professionally. Be ruthless and specific about it. Make a list of non-negotiables for your next gig/company. If you don’t have an updated resume, now is the time to update it with your new direction and goals in mind. If you have no idea where to start and your budget allows for it, consider getting a career coach. 

Fifth - Talk to your network. Talk to your mentors. Talk to the people you trust. Friends, family, former co-workers, whoever. Share what it is that you’re looking for. Ask if they know of companies you should look into, of people you should be talking to. Don’t be afraid to share what you’re looking for in a public forum like LinkedIn. That might seem scary but I know of a few people whose network is really pulling through for them after they shared on LinkedIn. 

Remember - there are going to be good days, bad ones and very bad days. Sometimes you’ll land an interview, some days you’ll get rejections. I won’t always make sense, but try not to be too hard on yourself. None of this is personal. The job market is CRAZY. It is more important to try to keep your stress levels at bay for your baby. Keep that baby in mind. Keep in mind that this will end up working out better than your old job or company ever treated you. It might feel like that won’t be the case, but everyone I have spoken to who has personal experience going through this before me has guaranteed me of that. So that is my new mantra. And I hope it brings you some solace during these trying times. 

If this ever happens to you, and you want to talk, I am here. Seriously, give me a shout. 

PS: I am not a lawyer, but here is what I have learned about your legal rights:

• Every state protects pregnant women differently. Look up if your state has any pregnancy protection acts. 
• The circumstances of your layoff/termination change your benefits drastically (i.e. did you disclose your pregnancy, at what point in time, was this performance related, was it a reduction in force, etc etc etc) 
• It is normal for your former employer to ask if you had disclosed your pregnancy to the company including the names of employees who you told 
• It is also normal for them to ask for your due date 
• If you are struggling, find a labor attorney though I do recommend trying step 2 above before you take that step.